Self-Care for Leadership Resilience with Jill Cruz, MS, CNS

Jenn DeWall:

Hi everyone. It’s Jenn DeWall. And on this week’s episode of The Leadership Habit podcast, I sat down with Jill Cruz. Jill Cruz, MS, CNS, specializes in weight loss, and she helps professional women over 40 enjoy the process of becoming the best versions of themselves. Jill has a Master of Science degree in Human Nutrition and is a Board Certified Nutrition Specialist. She combines her strong science-based background with tons of practical nutrition, fitness, and lifestyle guidance, helping women achieve greatness and happiness. And today on the show, Jill and I are going to be talking about how you as a leader can practice self-care so that you’re at your best. We’re going to be talking about stamina; we’re going to be talking about what you may be doing wrong. We’re going to be talking about a concept Jill coined called “healthy hedonism.”

Jenn DeWall:

Hi everyone, it’s Jenn DeWall, and in this week’s episode of The Leadership Habit podcast, I’m talking to Jill Cruz. Now you may not know Jill, but you want to because we as leaders— if we want to do our job, if we want to create success, and heck, if we want to enjoy the life that we love— it’s got to start with our own self-care. And that’s going to be the conversation that Jill and I have today. I know it’s not the usual topic on our leadership skills, but it’s a very, very important topic that sometimes we as leaders feel too busy to address. So Jill, thank you so much for joining us on the podcast today. Could you just tell our audience a little bit about you?

Meet Jill Cruz, MS, CNS

Jill Cruz:

Hi. Sure. Thank you for having me. So I live outside of New York City, and I’m a mom of two teenage girls. I had my own journey with struggling with my health and making sure that I was taking care of my body properly. And so that over the many years of working as a nutritionist led me to eventually start my own business, helping women to lose weight in a way that’s sustainable, healthy, and, dare I even say, pleasurable!

Jenn DeWall:

I don’t think that’s ever associated. Someone is like, losing weight? What? Pleasure? No, we think that we’re deprived of all of our pleasure—no more chocolate for you!

Jill Cruz:

That’s right. It’s one of the cornerstones of my work, actually, the pursuit of pleasure.

Jenn DeWall:

Oh my gosh. And it’s so important. Like how did you kind of become interested? Like what do you have a little bit more of a pain point, maybe that you experienced with your health that really made you open up your eyes and say, what am I doing? Something has to change.

Jill Cruz:

Yes. As a matter of fact, I do. I have a long, sordid history with what I call nighttime eating addiction. So when my daughter, who is now 19, when she was born, I started eating ice cream. Haagen-Dazs Bells and Chocolate, to be precise. And, I just, I ate it every night for years and years and years and years and years. And that eventually developed into this nighttime eating addiction. So dinner’s over, I’m not hungry, and I’m by myself in the dark, and everybody’s asleep. I’m eating this ice cream. And that actually lasted for 15 years at a certain point in time. It became, it shifted from ice cream to other foods, but essentially I had this problem and I, you know, the first seven or eight years, I didn’t even think it was a problem. I just thought it was normal for moms to want to de-stress. Uso, so eventually, I had to learn how to overcome that eating addiction and, and that sort of forms the foundation of all of the work that I do with clients.

How are You Managing Stress?

Jenn DeWall:

I think a lot of people can relate, and maybe it’s not necessarily the Haagen-Dazs at night, but maybe it is thinking about how are you managing your stress? What are you paying attention to? What are you maybe doing? And not even realizing that it can have adverse effects on your body and your health. I mean, whether it could be alcohol for some, it could be, you know, a variety of things. We’re going to talk about practicing self-care today. Why do you think this is so important? I mean, we know that burnout is on the rise. Like what are you seeing with your clients, with people that you work with? Why is self-care so important to you?

Jill Cruz:

Well, I think especially for people who would be listening to this podcast, if you’re a leader or if, really, if you’re a working person, whether it’s working at home with your staying at home, with your kids or working out in the workforce, we all need stamina. Stamina is a thing that probably comes more naturally to women than men, I think. But you know, the stamina piece is so important, and we just take it for granted that we should have enough energy to get up and do all the things that we have to do in the home and then go out and work and be in a good mood all day, be nice to people and be productive. That requires stamina. And the other really important piece around this is stress management because we all are so stressed out. I mean, we are not designed to cope with chronic stress in the way that we are required to these days. So we have to set or build into our lifestyle a way to manage that stress. Otherwise, we’re, again, we’re not going to have the stamina. We’re not going to be as productive. We’re not gonna be happy, and most likely, we won’t be sleeping well at night as well. So there are a lot of downstream effects of not caring for your body while trying to be a super person, a superwoman or Superman, whatever it is. I see

Jenn DeWall:

I think the biggest way that I neglect self-care is when I’m in a burnout cycle that I feel like I might stay up a little bit later. I watch probably very bad television just to kind of- what I would say- turn my brain off. But then I compromise my sleep, and I do. I have a natural, I would say I have a natural, positive, upbeat personality, but when I am fatigued, I am not that person. I’m also more irritable. I’m not as loving and open-minded. I definitely don’t practice curiosity because my brain does not have time to think about that. It just has time to make a quick judgment. And I, you know, as a leader, that’s, it’s just so important because I think we don’t recognize that we could manage our teams in a different way. If we showed up in a different way, we could have, you know, more engaging and deeper, meaningful conversations with people.

If we were just practicing self-care by getting enough rest, making sure that our stamina is where it needs to be. Because I think sometimes, then maybe this is just me, but I’m guessing some other people can relate to this, sometimes I can even get resentful when someone asks for something when I’m tired, like why would you even ask that of me? Like, I don’t have time for that. You know, we, we have a tendency to go into that victim state of like, everything’s happening to me instead of feeling like I actually control my life. And so when we see, I just love this topic. Why do you think people still treat it as an afterthought? Like why do we know better? I know this, but I can still tell you that I’m not necessarily doing everything to manage it. So why do we know better? We know that self-care is important, but we don’t DO better?

Learning to Listen to Our Bodies

Jill Cruz:

Well. I think there are a couple of different things. One, we are not taught in our society. Maybe other cultures do this, but I know in American society, we are not taught to pay attention to our bodies. We all have this incredible body wisdom that we’ve— I think in on the opposite end— we’ve been actually taught to ignore it. So if you’re not really paying attention to it— now I’m not a fan of becoming obsessed about it. Every little ache and pain and situation, you don’t want to be obsessed about it, but certainly, we want to be paying attention. If you’re tired, that’s a message from your body. Something’s not right. But we are; it’s really ingrained in us to ignore that. Not even to not pay attention to it, but to ignore it. And I think that’s a big factor. And then, of course, our, well, I live on the east coast, but I think in any, you know, any like major city majorly populated area, it’s go, go, go, go, go.

We are not rewarded for being relaxed and chill and calm. There is no reward for that in our society. On the flip side, we are rewarded for getting more done and being more productive and, you know, just working all the time. So I think societally, we’re not. It’s just not encouraged. And there is lip service paid to it. For sure. You could go to any corporate website and see: we are dedicated to the health of our… And some companies are more dedicated than others, but generally speaking, I think it’s really just lip service. It’s not true. Day-To-Day, oh, the people above me and the people below me actually recognize that self-care is important. Like, yeah, I don’t see evidence of that.

Jenn DeWall:

I think you’re absolutely right. Very rarely. I’ve never sat in an organization where they’re handing out awards, and they’re like, you know what, Jill, we really just want to acknowledge you for practicing healthy work-life integration, making sure that your health is there. I mean, I’ve never seen that in a meeting. I’ve seen it in the form of benefits and getting maybe incentives to, you know, get a gym membership or do something, but it’s never in the culture. And I love that. You talk about it being something that we just ignore that I don’t want to say that the people in your culture are bad people because they’re not doing this. Again, we’ve all been conditioned to ignore it. And, and of course in, or we have those generational lessons may be like, you know, as you were talking about like, don’t complain, keep going, put your head down, be productive, let it go. It’s not that big of a deal. Like, I don’t think people recognize how many of those messages really were given to them. Maybe through observing it in their first career or just from maybe a parent or teacher or friend saying what they needed to do that is maybe just in the opposite of what your body actually needs.

Jill Cruz:

Yeah, it is. It’s ingrained in our culture. I’m guilty of it. You know, I had to sort of retrain myself, but the thing is that when you’re 25, that when you’re 35, your body usually can keep up for most people. But once you hit 45, 55, 65, your body is just like, sorry! You know, there are going to be detrimental effects where you’re ignoring me. Like, you know, belly fat is a very common thing, which is oftentimes due to stress. So you know, fatigue, aches, and pains, not being able to go on five hours of sleep anymore, where you used to be able to, I have a client who has a high, high-stress job. She has a leadership position. And she says to me, like ten years ago, I was, I could do this. Now she’s really struggling.

Finding Energetic Resilience

Jenn DeWall:

It’s hard! I think I’ve noticed a switch, and maybe it’s because 40 is right there for me. And I’ve just noticed that switch. I don’t have the same stamina. I don’t have the same. I would say energetic resilience. If that’s the phrase? To be able to bounce up, wake up in the morning, and just be enthusiastic. Like I, it’s so much more apparent that if I don’t prioritize sleep, I’m not going to have a great day. If I don’t prioritize sleep, I’m not going to be the best person that I can be. Or if I, you know, neglect my body or don’t work out. I guess the thing I’m pretty motivated to work out, and that’s more or less out of a place of fear. It’s not necessarily from a proactive place. I have MS so that I have this non-scientific belief that if I don’t move it, then my brain will stop like, you know, telling me and supporting me. And so I work out every day, I walk or do something of some sort, but it’s not necessarily for preventing burnout. Right. I do it because I’m afraid of this. But I think, you know, one thing that I got from my dad had a sterile, you know, ten years ago and one of the therapists said, and maybe this is a common therapist term, but if you don’t use it, you lose it. And so that’s kind of been the thing that I’ve really been trying to be mindful of and knowing that as we get older, that only becomes more true. Like your body does start to kind of shut down. What’s your take on that? With what, with where you see people going.

Jill Cruz:

Oh, it’s huge! The older you are, the more imperative it is that you are physically active. You can get away with it when you’re 25. When you’re 65 is just, it’s all downhill. Either, either you’re working against it and kind of try and keep off the aging as much as you can. Or you are. You’re losing muscle for sure. Like once you hit mid-forties, everybody’s losing muscle unless you’re actually doing something to slow that process down. And there’s a ton of research around physical activity, even, even just muscle mass on, on your body correlating with all kinds of health outcomes. So it’s absolutely important. And one thing that you’ve kind of touched upon a little bit that I really want to emphasize is that you know, people listening to this podcast, if you’re a leader, do you want to be just, okay, cause I bet you, a lot of people listening, I would imagine that they have some health practices because you don’t get to be very successful in life without doing some of these things.

So that’s great, but there’s always room for improvement. And so, being at your best means being, as you mentioned, in a mood where you can be calm, where you’re not reactionary all the time. You can handle stressful situations in a much more calm way because you’re well-rested because you’re physically active because you’re eating the right foods that are fueling your brain properly. It’s all interconnected. So, so I just wanted to put that out there. And like some people maybe need a lot of work. Some people need less, but I think as a leader, and I consider myself a leader as well. My business is me. I have to take care of myself or my, if I don’t, my business will fail direct directly because I’ll be like you said, not in the best mood or I won’t have the motivation or the energy, the what did you call it? Resilience energy?

Jenn DeWall:

My energetic resilience, my made-up phrase!

Jill Cruz:

I love that you need energetic resilience all day long. You’re using willpower. You’re using willpower to be nice. When you want to be me to focus and concentrate, you’re using the central executive network function. You know, it’s the part of your brain where you’re focused, focused, focused. Your brain has to have the basic requirements for healthy functioning in order to do that at your best.

How Do We Start Practicing Self-Care?

Jenn DeWall:

Oh my gosh. And do everything at your best. And I just want to emphasize for those that might even be listening to this like, oh, I’m about ready to turn this off because it’s not giving me this, this tool. This quick fix may be a problem you’re having. And I don’t want to minimize that problem, but I do want to still a good and bring awareness that we continuously ignore the conversation of self-care and mental health. We just think I’ll deal with it tomorrow. I think a lot of us have the I’ll deal with it tomorrow. I’ve got more important things today. This is important. And so, Jill, where do you start? Like, because self-care is so broad. I know we could likely go down the rabbit hole of the top tips that many people have heard, but where do you start? What does self-care even mean?

Jill Cruz:

Well, I would definitely very, very strongly emphasize to anybody listening that it starts with where you think it starts. Everybody is individual. So for one person, it may be, I need to focus on sleep. For another person, it may be, I know my breakfasts are just not the best. Or maybe it’s stress management or mindset. You know, mindset is a big piece of all of this. So I highly recommend that you kind of take stock of your life almost like you would evaluate any situation in the business environment. You can do that for yourself and see what most people know. When, when new clients come to me, they’re just talking, they’re telling me all the bad things that they’re doing. They know. So, so I would say that I, I wouldn’t have a blanket statement that everybody should start here. I think it needs to be individualized.

There are two ways to look at this. One is low-hanging fruit. So if you know that your breakfast is not great and you can easily fix that, do it! If maybe you also know that your sleep is not great, but it’s overwhelming to think about dealing with that, just start with a good breakfast. And then, you know, so you don’t necessarily have to start with the biggest problem. You could also start with something that’s just a quick win because once you get that quick win, now that you’re eating a better breakfast, your brain is functioning better throughout the day. Now maybe you do have more wherewithal to address other issues.

Start With the Low-Hanging Fruit

Jenn DeWall:

You know, I want to touch on two things that you just said, like the mindset piece, but first, I want to go into the low-hanging fruit. Because again, I think, I guarantee that the people that are listening to our podcast, right, the people that are listening to a podcast or type are typically probably thinking, what can I do to better myself. They’re very motivated. They’re ambitious. And so then thinking, yeah, when they look at the self-care, I think many of them will pick the biggest piece. Well, I’ve got to make sure that I’m working out every single day for 45 minutes a day and then change my diet out once and done, make sure I’m sleeping. And we are so- in a beautiful way- driven and ambitious, but we don’t recognize like failure’s likely right around the corner that follows your discouragement or whatever cycle comes with it.

Jenn DeWall:

And so I just love your prescription of really thinking, what is your low-hanging fruit? And please don’t try to do everything. Just start to practice self-care. Or start to, you know, if you already have a routine, what’s the other piece that you already know, as you said because we’ve basically done that SWOT analysis of our own health, like, and what are our threats? So on and so forth. What is the thing that you need to do that you’ve been maybe avoiding or haven’t prioritized? And I mean, and at what expense, like, I think people need to start to, I don’t know how you feel about this, and maybe this is a bad way to motivate people, but getting people to think as they get older, what are truly your consequences? If you don’t wake up now, what is it going to cost you?

Jill Cruz:

I mean, that’s – so we, as humans, are more motivated by short-term consequences. We will like to think things like, well, I don’t want to be like my mother who had health problems or whatever. I’m afraid of getting cancer. Those tend to be motivational factors, but they’re more long-term, and we’re just hard-wired to favor the short-term. That’s just, I mean, if you think about how we lived in very intense environments, we had to favor the short-term threats or positive or negative consequences. So so I do recommend thinking about those short-term, you can think about the long-term, but get some short-term as like full them. If there’s a feedback loop, it could be a negative feedback loop. Like, oh, if I eat that pizza at 10:00 PM, I’m going to wake up in the middle of the night with heartburn. That’s a negative feedback loop, which motivates people. Or it could be, well, if I don’t eat that pizza, tomorrow morning I’m going to have more energy to go to the gym and workout. And that could be a positive feedback loop. So definitely having those consequences, but the short term or a much more powerful and yeah, there was something else you said that I wanted to-

Jenn DeWall:

I think that ties also into the mindset piece of like, well, start to look at this as a mindset, not just an action that you’re taking to better your health, but just what’s your point of view on it? I mean, you know emotional intelligence is important for a leader. We know that we need to observe our surroundings. We need to pay attention to, you know and have self-awareness and self-management. So we need to also then transfer and apply this to the mindset of our health care. Like you or of our health. You’ve got to start to take responsibility, your self-awareness, and your health. Like I get, I think we can take stock of my self-awareness might be really high of what I do and don’t do in my career, what I need to do, what I don’t do. And then, I might take a lot more actions and understand those positive and negative feedback loops.

But then, I am still discarding the fact that I need a body to be able to do all of it. Like I still just minimize all of that. So the mindset piece, I just wanted to talk a little bit more about that. Like, I mean, I don’t know if there are any blocks that you typically see what someone’s mindset like, I don’t know. I mean, I guess the number one that I would think of because I hear it in terms of, you know, just different reasons why people don’t take action. And what I hear is time. I don’t have time. I don’t have time, don’t have time. So when you thought, what do you, what do you say for your clients? Or how do you help them adjust that mindset piece?

Having a Self-Care Mindset

Jill Cruz:

Well, people come to me, usually highly motivated, because my specialty is weight loss. So people are usually ready. And when they commit to working with me or my team, they are really highly motivated. So they may not come up with those types of so-called excuses, but if they do, and that often will come up as we’re working together more long-term. To me, there is always a solution. If you want it, there’s always a solution. It should not be difficult, challenging, this horrible journey. It should not be that way. So what I do and what I think any healthcare practitioner should do, is ask, how can we make this easy for you? Not hard. It’s like, oh, you should be exercising. You should be eating well. That mindset is like you were saying earlier, you’re already setting yourself up for failure. There’s really not a lot of other things that we endeavor to do.

Jill Cruz:

Like if you want to learn to play the guitar, I’m not going to ask you to play a song on the first day. I’m going to ask you to start very simply. Just give it five minutes a day. Why do we think that with healthcare practices, like exercise or nutrition that we have to be that perfect Instagram person in a week or a month, or even a year? It’s ridiculous. So I think that mindset of, I mean, 90% of what I do is a mindset. Really. Most of it is that, but there’s always a way if someone is coming up with excuses. There’s a reason for that. And we, we can explore that. Sometimes. It’s just. It’s hard. Yeah, definitely. Excuse. It’s hard. Okay. Well, why is it hard? What is it about it? And sometimes, it really is true logistical problems. My schedule is X, Y, and Z. All right, well, let’s see if we can work with those things, but if you find yourself wanting to take care of your body but coming up with excuses, either you’re not really committed because when people are committed, they do it. They do it. And a lot of times, unfortunately, work is a big blocking factor. Like, I literally don’t have time. Okay, well, maybe there’s a deeper conversation that needs to happen around that. I don’t mean to encourage anybody to quit their jobs or, you know, close up their businesses. But-

Jenn DeWall:

I will! I will! You, your life, and your health is starting to be at a detriment. You need to examine whether or not you are in the right career. I, you know, I will say that. And I know that sometimes people are like, I don’t know, but you can still, I guess for me, and this might be my own personal plea of passion is you have one life. You’ve got to make sure that you have the body and mindset and health to be able to live it, to enjoy it to the best of your ability. So I will say that! Like, do you need to reflect and leave a job, maybe? And I’m not saying that it’s going to be an easy decision, but you’ve got to prioritize yourself.

Jill Cruz:

Yeah. And it’s also again, and I love feedback loops. I love them. In biochemistry, a lot of the things that go on in your body, the reactions, their feedback, there’s tons of feedback loops in the body. So I love talking about them. But the feedback loop here is if you can just do a little bit in the beginning and start to feel a little bit better, have a little bit more energy. Guess what happens? You are more productive. You have that stamina, and you have that mental capacity, that mental focus. So you actually can get more work done in the same amount of time. That, for me, has always been the pursuit. How can I get be more productive in the same amount of time or less? How do I do that? Well, I have to absolutely be at my best. There’s no way because I know there are days when I’m not at my best, and I can tell there’s a huge difference in my productivity. A lot of it’s just energetic, you know, either pure energy, which you could call stamina, but also mental energy, patience drive, just having the drive to do something. Where does that come from? That comes from your physiology, your biochemistry working well. For the most part, again, when you’re 25 and you’re super ambitious, you can pretty much push through all of that.

Jenn DeWall:

I remember when I was able to push through it, I can’t do it anymore. So if there are some young 20 somethings, enjoy this, but try to think about how you can position yourself or when maybe your body isn’t as resilient as it was.

Jill Cruz:

And you could always be better. I mean, it’s like if I knew the stuff, I know now when I was 25, wow. I mean, I could’ve gotten a lot more done.

Healthy Hedonism

Jenn DeWall:

Right. I just, and I love that. And that is the thing because now when I think about being older, like as I’m getting older, you know, productivity like I want to be my best all the time. I want to do my best to it is so important to me. And so I’m now I’m starting to notice natural things. Like, no, I, I don’t want to go to that dinner tonight because then I know I won’t get to bed until late. And you know, there’s that conscious trade-off. It’s not that I feel like I’m missing out in any way. It’s just that I love being at my best. And that self-care feels so good. And then when you experienced the pain, when I compromise that or, you know, the misery that I experienced, and it’s not that it’s true misery, but it is cognitive like cog-fog, or not being able to think clearly. Or I end up being more, you know, short-tempered, which is not the way that I want to be. Like when you experience those painful moments or misery moments, I’m just, you know, that much more motivated to be like, yep. Gonna reinforce that next decision. So I want to bring it into a concept that you talk about because I love it. Healthy hedonism, what the heck is a healthy hedonism, Jill?

Jill Cruz:

So I was, I came up with this concept, and there is this, there is such a thing. This is not—I didn’t. In other words, hedonism is inherently kind of almost a little bit of a negative connotation, but there is such a thing as positive hedonism. So that’s where you are. You are pursuing feeling good, but in a way that’s beneficial to you. So it’s not a negative pursuit. And so the way that I kind of came up with it as I think there are three major pieces to help. And the first is, well, there’s no first or last they kind of go feed off of each other. And body wisdom is one aspect of it. It’s very important for us to understand our bodies and listen to our bodies. And I have guidance that I give clients on how to do that.

Jill Cruz:

It’s not a talent. It’s a skill. So if you’re not used to tapping into your own body wisdom, it does take some knowledge and some practice, but you can. You can pick it up pretty quickly. So there’s body wisdom, and there’s the pursuit of pleasure, which we said in the beginning, weight loss should not be pleasurable. No, actually, if it’s not pleasurable, you are doing something wrong. Whether it’s weight loss or just trying to be, you know, just emphasizing your health, your self-care. If it’s miserable, if you are miserable doing it, you need to stop and figure out something that’s actually pleasurable because that’s sustainable. And, and then the other piece of it is what I call radical self-acceptance. Because, and especially for high-functioning, high-performing people, the self-criticism and the blame and the regret can be overwhelming. And so, by allowing yourself every day, this is a practice. This is not we’re again, and we’re not born with this tendency, not at all. We have to work against that tendency to self-criticize by waking up every day and saying, you know what? I love and accept myself for who I am right now, right here, no matter what. And that’s its radical self-acceptance, the pursuit of pleasure and body wisdom. And those three components kind of form the foundation of my work.

Jenn DeWall:

I love these concepts because it’s not just exclusive then to what are you doing for your food, for your exercise. And I want to dive a little bit deeper into the three of the three aspects or facets of healthy hedonism, so radical self-acceptance, body wisdom, and pursuit of pleasure. I am extremely passionate about, you know, radical self-acceptance, and I love that you talked about we’re not born with it. And I would actually argue that we’re also never educated to do it. What I find in my work as a coach is that so many people, and I’m sure you see this too, is that so many people were maybe brought up to look at yourself and like, say there’s always something that you could be doing better, like, or don’t even say that you’re doing something well, because then you’re too overconfident or cocky and like slow your roll.

And so, I think it created what I see with my clients. And I’m sure you see this too. Is that an over-reliance on external validation? Just wanting to make sure other people are telling us that we’re getting it right. Instead of saying, wait, but do I think by my standards, by my efforts, my experience, I’m getting it right? I mean, it is the saddest thing. And I know that I suffer from it. I think many people do it is so hard to reprogram and rewire that brain. Just say you are enough just as you are. Even if you made that big mistake, you’re still going to be fine and so, radical self-acceptance. What are some of the ways that you see or maybe recommend people to start? Because self-acceptance is hard when we’re trying to combat those maybe messages that come up that say, I don’t know, Joe, don’t do that. Like you’re bragging now about yourself or, you know, you never really did it that well. I mean, I have an expert at shaming myself. I’m so glad that Brene Brown came around just to be able to give a name to what that is. Because as someone that’s very driven, a lot of my drive comes from telling myself that I suck or I’m not good enough or that I’m constantly missing the mark. And so, yeah, I’m curious what your thoughts are on that.

Self-Care, Self-Awareness and Self-Acceptance

Jill Cruz:

Well, a lot, a lot, a lot of thoughts. I think one thing that has been one piece of my work that I take a lot of pleasure in is holding space for being that presence in someone’s life, who I am a hundred percent accepting and loving. So sometimes, even though you’re talking about this sort of endogenous feeling of- endogenous means from within the body, exogenous means from outside of the body, right? So this external approval and that sort of thing, we are sort of hard-wired to seek that out. And I think that comes from when we’re babies, you know, we, we want to get love and attention. So we’re going to try to please people like this is starts from birth. So it is a hard one to kind of just say, oh, well, I’m just going to accept myself now. Yeah, I’m done with that.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. But so, so it’s not easy. And sometimes, it does help to have an outside person who will hold that space for you. It could be your mother, it could be your therapist, you know, and not all of us can have that, but it’s, it is a piece of this. And I think the other piece is being present. So we, we tend to, again, especially ambitious, successful people. We’re always thinking about what’s next? What am I doing next? How how, how can I do that? Oh yeah, I did that. It was great. But how can I do that better next time? That same tendency. So, just being present for a few minutes every day is a great place to start, just even in the morning, getting up and just taking some deep breaths and just being present and saying, you know, I am right here, right now.

It’s almost like a meditation, and the meditation is great for that. But I like to kind of maybe do a slow walk or that for me, cause I’m a physical person. I will walk, and I’ll just pay attention to my inner and my outer. So what do I smell? What do I see? What do I feel? And that sort of like a moving meditation, that one, when you’re present, you’re blissful. It’s when we’re worried about the future of the past or things we can’t control that we start to get into trouble. So that’s really important. And I tell you, I mean, there’s a lot of research on gratitude and just taking a few minutes every day, maybe at the end of the day or at the beginning of the day, to write down the things you appreciate that you have done. I have done this. I am this.

Really, because sometimes we need again, especially really smart, driven people. I want the facts. Yeah. I’m not going to sit here and try to convince myself that I’m, that I weigh 120 pounds when I weigh 190. That’s ridiculous. I’m never going to believe that. But the fact is that I did this today, and I am motivated to take care of my body. So, so if you can find in when you’re writing your appreciation or thinking about it, actual factual things that I think goes a long way, instead of believing me, I love woo-woo. I love woo-woo stuff. I love mantras. You know, I love the idea of being positive, but it’s, it’s hard to do that. Let’s face it. So coming back to real facts, I think, can help us. Like I did this project, and I succeeded this way, and therefore I am somebody who is good at X.

Showing Gratitude for Yourself

Jenn DeWall:

I love that. Yeah. And I think that you know, to everyone listening right now, I think it’s a great reminder that it’s not just writing down, you know, a gratitude list. Like I’m grateful for, you know, the food that I get to eat or the shelter that I have. And yes, there’s absolutely a place for that gratitude. But what, you know, what I heard you say is that we’re grateful for, you know, I’m grateful for my accomplishments. I am grateful for what I did well today. Like, and, or I am proud of myself. Like I am proud of myself that I got up and hit the gym, or I’m proud of myself that I took the time to create a to-do list to really be more structured and productive. And I think we breeze past some of those things, but you don’t have to do anything on any given day.

So what you do can also be recognized and rewarded. And I just to set a reminder, what she’s saying is to write down what you’re grateful that YOU did. Not like something, it’s what you did. So, so just cause I think people aren’t used to seeing themselves, we’re so used to seeing other people, and they might be like, I don’t know, I don’t do anything special. I’m not X, you know, insert all that negative self-talk that can come up, or we just don’t see ourselves, but just starting to see ourselves and how strong, how smart, how valuable you are as an individual. I love that, Jill, like just, it’s not just writing that gratitude list. It’s thinking about what did you do? Or your achievement list or whatever.

Jill Cruz:

Yeah. I mean, it’s your personal bragging time. But the other thing that I think really helped me was to think about any baby that you have ever met in your life. A six-month-old baby, that baby has—I think pretty much almost everybody would agree that— that baby is entirely lovable and worthy of love. And we accept, I mean, that baby can poop on your hand, and you just wash it off. It’s a little gross, but you still love the baby. And I think if you can remember that you were a baby, all of us listening to this and talking here, we were all lovable babies worthy of unconditional love, and we’re- that’s still us. That’s still within us. So sometimes, I just try to fit. I have a friend who’s a relationship therapist. And she says she has a picture of herself when she was a little girl. And she reminds herself that she was a little girl one day and, and that little girl was a hundred percent worthy of love. And we all have that, even though we’re adults and we’re messy, and we’ve done bad things, and we have regrets, we’re still all worthy of that love. And I think that’s a very powerful kind of practice again, to remind yourself of that.

Checking in With Your Body

Jenn DeWall:

I love that message because when it comes down to self-care, I think if we don’t see ourselves as lovable, then it’s really easy to just say, who cares if I don’t take care of myself because I’m not this. So really like for those listening, like recognize that those connections are happening and you are totally lovable. You are, you know, fantastic. And I love that. You said this too. We are all messy. We are all messy. None of us are perfect. Perfection doesn’t exist. We are all messy. And it’s okay if you’ve made mistakes like you are still lovable. Okay, let’s go. I know we don’t have a lot of time left. The second aspect, body wisdom. Now this one, you know, you talked about sleep and nutrition. How do you really gain more awareness? Like, are there any tips and tricks that you have around gaining awareness to really check in with your body?

Jill Cruz:

Absolutely. I have six factors that I ask my clients to pay attention to or anybody who will listen! And you can write them down. You can rate them, which is kind of nice on a regular basis. So there’s energy, mental clarity, mood, hunger, cravings, and gastrointestinal function. So if you are really honing in on those- again, not being obsessive about it, like, oh, I had gas today. Oh, dear. No, like, I mean if you had guests every day for the past three weeks. There’s a problem. So anything that’s consistently a problem, whether it’s fatigue, you know, mid-afternoon fatigue or moodiness, we are meant to have calm, sustained energy from morning till night. We are meant to become even-keeled and peaceful. That’s our default as humans, actually. And, except for in crisis, we’re very good at responding to a crisis. But then we go back, and just like animals, you see an animal can be super stressed out, but then once that situation is over, they are chill. That’s how we’re supposed to be.

And so, and mental clarity, if you have brain fog, that’s assigned from your body. And so these factors, we can pay attention to them. Now, you’re, now you can start to see a pattern and maybe also use, keep track of what you’re eating. Maybe your sleep time, your physical activity, you know, it’s up to you, how far you want to go with this. But I will certainly say that if you’re tired all the time, that needs to be investigated. That is a message from your body, and we need to listen to it. And your body will give you a lot of feedback and information if you just pay attention.

Jenn DeWall:

I mean, and again, if you’re, if anyone listening is, is suffering from chronic stress, this is real, you know, your body is going to continue to tell you that, that it’s in stress mode and it’s not functioning well, I had a really good friend that had very bad stomach issues or gastrointestinal issues, and they were all stressed induced. I have interviewed people on this podcast that have had facial paralysis, all stress-induced. Your body is very, very connected to the stress that you are under at work. And we know that it can show up as a heart attack. It can show up as these things, as we get older, we’ve got to start to connect, and maybe you don’t have to take it. I love that you gave space. No, I’m not saying that you have to do a food journal. Take it however you want to, but start to at least pay attention and recognize that it’s on you to take responsibility for that because you know what, you matter.We want you here. We need you to do a good job, your family, you. And so you’ve got to start to say, what piece do I own? And maybe it’s just starting to look at your sleep because you are feeling consistently tired, or maybe it’s starting to look at your workload and say, maybe I need to ask for help. I just love this conversation.

Self-Care and The Pursuit of Pleasure

Jenn DeWall:

Our last thing is the pursuit of pleasure. And I think that this is so important because again, how many people dread, maybe if they make a new year’s resolutions, they’re like, well, here goes my next month where I won’t be able to enjoy anything. And I’m on this new diet, and I’m doing this, but it doesn’t have to be that way because that’s where the mindset piece comes into it. So tell me, what are your tips and techniques to help us really get behind that pursuit of pleasure and not looking at this as a chore, but making it not a should, but a want! This is exciting.

Jill Cruz:

Yeah. I mean, first, you have to have that motivation, that inspiration to make the change. And that’s where people start. And then yes, they usually end up on some crazy diet for 30 days, and then they go back to where they were that’s miserable. Right? So that’s really important. Some other things that I often talk about, and we sort of talked about it. I want to. I was thinking about it earlier, too, is planning and strategizing. These are very important. Many of the problems that people have with diet and lifestyle practices are they just don’t plan. So I have a client I’m working with, and she’s, she said, you know, I don’t know what’s wrong. I just can’t do that. We’ve been working together for a couple of months, and she still hasn’t gotten the exercise at all. So I said to her, I said, look, this weekend, I want you to sit down, and I want you to write down how you can fit in 10 minutes of exercise four days a week.

And I want you to not only write down when, but what, and how. If you have a plan, it’s so much easier to do things. If you have a plan, so that’s vital. And then another piece is the environment. We are subject. We are products of our environment. So if you think that you’re going to eat really healthily while someone is leaving potato chips and donuts and crackers and all kinds of things on the counter, you’re setting yourself up for failure, right? So so those pieces are really important. And then what I call training, we gotta train ourselves, and that’s really habits and habits have become much more popularized in the past few years. Pretty much everybody knows. You want to start small, almost laughable. So that’s why it’s 10 minutes or five minutes, not an hour jumping into something, or it’s, you know, every day when I come home, I have all these cravings. So instead of just leaving it to chance and my low willpower at the end of the day, I’m going to have carrots or something healthy in the fridge. And I was just reading a study yesterday. We, we are more likely to choose the food that’s the first thing we see in the fridge, as opposed to the second, third, fourth, or fifth. So have the healthy food front and center push all the crappy stuff to the back because your brain will take that first thing that you see. So set up your environment for success, not failure. Have your gym clothes out, ready to go. Know what time you’re working out. What you’re doing? What’s your plan. That’s my client’s problem. She says I like to walk. I like to dance. I have these weights; well, have a plan. And that’s about. I think being strategic. You, sorry, just one little last piece with the habits is once you have done something often enough, the motivation and the willpower switch can be turned off, and you’ll still do it. Habits are magical, magical, powerful things. They’re not infallible. You can have a habit for a year, and then you can stop. I know that, but it’s your biggest supporting factor in terms of living a healthy lifestyle. Habits. Because if you have to rely on willpower lives, I always say willpower is unreliable. Habits are reliable. So and, the path to building a habit is long, and it should be fun, and it should be gradual. Once you get there, it’s like, oh, this is easy.

Jenn DeWall:

I love that recommendation. I guess like the personal thing that I do, I’ve been, you know, I bought an apple watch at the end of 2020, and a lot of my friends have them. And so we’ve just been doing challenges. And now it’s to a place that we’re, you know, we’re either competing against as a team against another team, or we’re doing it individually, but I have really embraced gamification. And because of, you know, streaks, the, you know, they just tell you how many days you’ve worked out, or you hit your targets. Now I’m at. I don’t even know if I’m at 170 days. Like it’s something like that. I don’t want to break my streak. So that is also the other thing that keeps me going. Like, I love that. I can say that there are 100 days that I, you know, made sure that I stood once an hour, that I hit my activity goal, that I also hit my move goal in terms of caloric burn. And that makes me feel proud. And it doesn’t necessarily. It doesn’t matter how I get there every day. I don’t have to go down and do an intense CrossFit workout. I can just walk outside, but I just love that I have a manageable goal. Jill, what would be any last, you know, messages that you would want our audience to know?

Jill Cruz:

I think what’s coming to mind for me right now is to go easy on yourself. You, if you are a leader, you’re a successful person. That means that you’ve accomplished a lot in your life, and take a moment and appreciate that. And, and so I talk about this concept of the balance between striving and thriving. So w striving means, you know, you’re, you set your goals, you’re working towards your goals, and thriving means stopping and smelling the flowers. And we need to have a balance of both. If you’re always thriving and you’re always just smelling the flowers, you’re not going to move forward in life. But on the flip side, if you’re always, always striving, it’s never enough, then you’ll probably have regrets. So we want to get that balance between taking care of our bodies and appreciating all that we’ve done and all that we have and doing more good stuff for ourselves.

How to Get In Touch With Jill

Jenn DeWall:

Yeah. That’s a really important last message. She’ll thank you so much. How does our audience get in touch with you? How can they connect with you?

Jill Cruz:

Well, I think the best way is to go to my website. I have a blog and lots and lots of interesting articles about many of the things that we talked about today. And so that’s probably the best place to get in touch with me. I mean, I’m on LinkedIn, I’m on Facebook and Instagram, and all of those usual places as well.

Jenn DeWall:

So head on over to WYN, that’s, W Y N – wynweightloss.com, and we’ll reinforce that you can also find it in the show notes. Jill, thank you so much for being on the show today. Thank you so much for just stopping by to take time. To help our listeners focus on themselves was really a great conversation. And I just love your mindset around self-care. It’s not just yoga. It’s, you know, practicing healthy hedonism, understanding that we’ve got to pay attention to our body, the pursuit of pleasure, radical self-acceptance, and so much more. And even that difference between striving and thriving. Thank you so much, Jill!

Jill Cruz:

You’re welcome. Thank you for having me, Jenn,

Jenn DeWall:

Thank you so much for listening to this week’s episode of The Leadership Habit podcast. If you want to find more about Jill or connect with Jill so you can start your own self-care journey, head on over to wynweightloss.com, that’s wynweightloss.com. And if you’re not sure where to start, you can go to our website. You can find the right way to nourish your body. You can head on over to https://www.tryinteract.com/share/quiz/5f7e3cc8eb45f400149f67fd. I would actually recommend going to our show notes to find this as it’s a more specific link, but there you can download and help get a better understanding of what’s the best diet for you. Remember; think about the stamina you want to have. Think about how you want to show up in life. If you know someone that could benefit from hearing this message today, please share this podcast with them. And if you personally enjoyed this podcast, don’t forget to leave us a review on your favorite podcast, streaming service. And most importantly, if we can come into your organization and help you perform at your best, help your team be the best that they can be. Please go to Crestcom.com for a two-hour complimentary skills-building workshop, and we would love to help you! Until next time.

Self-Care for Leadership Resilience with Jill Cruz, MS, CNS